Matters of the Heart

stream One morning several months ago I was in a particularly bad mood. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened. In fact, I had started my day the way I start every day: get up, turn on the coffeepot, feed the cat, wash my face, pour the coffee, turn on my laptop, turn on the TV and plop down in front of the news for about an hour. As I dropped my daughter off at school that morning, her parting words to me were this: “Mom, don’t turn on talk radio today. You aren’t in the frame of mind to handle it.” Hmmm. Sometimes I wonder who the parent is in this house.

A couple of Praise Projects ago I alluded to something that God has been working on me about. It’s been months that we’ve batted this thing back and forth He and I. In fact it’s become such a topic of discussion that every sermon I hear, every article I read and every conversation I have with people about spiritual things somehow comes around to this subject: where does God fit in my noisy life?

I wonder as I look back over the course of the last three years and what it has taken to get out and stay out of debt- that is, the changing of habits, the changing of loyalties and priorities, the important lesson of delayed gratification-if maybe all of that was just the testing grounds for something much bigger. After all, debt is nothing more than a symptom of something greater. It’s never the real issue.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23, NIV 1984). This verse has haunted me for weeks.

At first I thought I was dealing with a time management problem. I start my day with the news, clean houses to the rhythms of talk radio and finish the day online catching up on blogs, missed television shows, email and Facebook. And then I realize time isn’t the issue. Nothing in life is ever the bottom line issue: money, time, relationships, worries, fears, joy, wondering, frustration, life changes and the myriad things we encounter in a lifetime. It all comes down to the heart and guarding what goes into it.

I spent the summer of 1987 camping in the French Alps. Running down the side of the mountain was an icy cold stream. It was our only water source, and we used it for everything, cooking, bathing, drinking. It was also the only water source for everyone else living on the mountain. I know this because at one time the little old lady at the foot of the mountain complained to our hosts that she was finding bubbles in her drinking water. I don’t blame her for being upset. We were tainting her life source.

If we believe that out of the heart the mouth speaks (Luke 6:45) than protecting what goes into it must be of utmost importance. It is for this reason that I have decided to make some changes. Before I continue you must know a few things: 1). This is not a ploy at self-promotion; 2). This is not a judgment on anyone but me. These changes are because of what I have been working on with the Lord; 3). None of the things I am taking out of my life are evil nor do I intend to remove them forever; and 4). If you desire to join me in paring down your personal life and amping up your spiritual life, I’d love the company.

Change number one: When we think of tithing, it goes without saying that money is what we are referring to, giving to God the first fruits of our earnings. What if we looked at each new day the way we do an uncashed paycheck, unspent with limitless possibilities? Instead of giving the world the first hours of my day, I will give those moments to God and let Him set the tone for the rest of my waking hours.

Change number two: I am jumping off of Facebook for the summer. This media phenomenon is arguably the greatest invention this century. I’ve caught up with people I haven’t seen in years, followed medical conditions of friends, asked for prayer more than once, vented frustration at injustice and on and on. I’ve also spent countless hours reading feeds from others in an effort to avoid certain responsibilities. If you get to this blog from Facebook, you will still be able to do that, but that will be my only tie to Facebook. My blog will (hopefully) automatically post to it.

Change number three: If my disposition was a little different, I would probably run for public office. Obsessed with politics, I spend anywhere from two to five hours a day listening to talk radio. I can’t help myself. What that has gotten me is discouragement and tears of frustration. So I’ve traded in my radio for one that does not carry the stations I listen to and have replaced it with a couple of  hours of sermons from the likes of David Platt, James McDonald and Chip Ingram. The rest of the time is spent listening to praise music or simply silence.

Change number four: At the risk of being incredibly vulnerable I will tell you that pride in the form of self-doubt is something that I have always and probably will always wrestle with. My blog host, WordPress, keeps a tally of the number of visitors to my blog everyday. This can be incredibly distracting and debilitating. Because of some problems I’ve been having lately, I now log on differently which has inadvertently made it so that I can’t get to these stats. Oh the freedom!

I recently posted on Facebook that I believe success is measured by the motives of our heart. How successful I am at writing or anything else I do in life is not dependent on whether I receive a paycheck for that work or thousands of followers to my blog or words of acclamation. Success is measured by the obedience to the life of discipleship God has called each one of us to personally. No more talking. Do we want Jesus or not? Do we want Him living in every moment of our day or only when we really need Him or when it’s convenient for us? Discipleship simply demands choices. There’s really no way around it.

Luke 14:27 “And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”

2 thoughts on “Matters of the Heart

  1. Oh, Kathryn, I SO could have written this post myself! I was anxiously awaiting the email that you published this post so I could “compare notes,” so to say; we are going through such similar spiritual journeys right now, right down to talk radio and that dreaded, ugly pride and self-doubt!

    Can’t wait to see how He uses this extra time of respite from the rat race in your life! It has already been such a breath of fresh air for me and my family!!

    1. I am already feeling a weight lifted off of me! Thanks for your encouraging words. We will have to get together and compare notes, as you say, as to what God is doing in our lives.

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